i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
