Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
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I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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