Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just want nice things and good sex
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
