hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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