Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
