i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
is wine microwaveable?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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