I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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