this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
