Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
