she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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