She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Too much gin, very little bucket
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
