I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
