Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
