I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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