FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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