My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
