the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
