I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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