the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
