So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
