Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
