scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
