there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I would fuck him just for his dog
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
