dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
