Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Four minutes until I can fart!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
