So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
