Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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