She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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