i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
