omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
