why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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