I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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