watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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