Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
