i need an iv and a liver transplant
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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