I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
