you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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