And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
dude. I can hear the air.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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