I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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