I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
