Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
