he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love having hate sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
