When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
