I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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