So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize