Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
