reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
