I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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