I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
