i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
