i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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