Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
