This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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