Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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