Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
