Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
