I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
