If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
