I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
