Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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