The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
