I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
