8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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