You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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