we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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