i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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