I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
