roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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