I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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