I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
