Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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