she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
