what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
P.S. I can't hear my feet
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
