Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
