I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.