Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
