made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
