Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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