turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
