dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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