put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
