What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The power of my boobs compel you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
