Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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