No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
