I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she smelled like a LAN party
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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