I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
